Ahead of Her Time
by Elizabeth (Severson) Van Orden, written March 2024
According to the US Census Bureau, in 1950, the median age for a first marriage was 23 for men and 20 for women. I know my grandparents were also statistically abnormal – from the National Center for Education Statistics, in 1950, 6.6% of white men aged 25 and higher held bachelor’s or higher degrees and 2.4% of women of the same demographic held bachelor’s or higher degrees. Lots of things have changed over the past 70 years. I mean, the demographic boxes have even changed. The ages at which they tied the knot after over five years of dating closely mirror today’s demographics. But. I still always wondered why my grandfather, described as a “catch,” was so patient in waiting five years for a woman who was never going to be a traditional wife and defied pretty much every norm of the day.
My grandmother would never say she is a feminist, but her words and actions tell another story. In reading through an autobiography she started after my grandfather died, before she started writing memoirs, she said, “when my dad died, my mother was left with seven children, very little money, and no skills to go out into the workforce. I swore then and there that I would never let that happen to me. I would have a career. I would have the training and the skills to support myself and my family if something should happen to my husband. I could not leave it to chance. I had to do it for myself. I was also in no hurry to get married. I had a future to secure first and I had a goal that had to be met.”
Beverley Moore Severson on her graduation from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with her Bachelors of Science diploma, 1949
While my personal motivations were different, I always felt pretty much the same way as a young adult. I didn’t even have marriage on my radar. I was entirely focused on my career goals and being financially independent so I never had to rely on anyone. I seldom dated – boys and men mostly found me to be “too much.” The men who wanted to date me because of my appearance couldn’t handle my intelligence, drive, and determination. The men who valued my intelligence, drive, and determination put me on some kind of pedestal because I was beautiful. I had no need for either type of man. If I were ever to be in any sort of relationship, I needed it to be with an equal who loved the whole package. I never dated anyone longer than three months before Jack.
My grandmother was and is beautiful. She is brilliant and caring. She is someone that lights up every room. When she was in the hospital in December 2022 with the biggest health scare of her life, I overheard one of the nurses running through charts at the end of her shift. She was talking through some details on the patients she had been caring for – it was all helpful information and didn’t violate any HIPAA laws concerning privacy – and when she came to talking about Grammy, she said something along the lines of, “she may look like she’s in her 60s, but she’s 97. She’s incredibly smart and well-educated so a lot of the typical baseline questions to gauge acuity and such are far too easy for her.”
I was chatting with the McDonnells, a couple in our Unitarian Universalist congregation, last weekend about working with Grammy on her second set of memoirs. Janet works at our local library and does outreach at Luther Village, where my grandmother lives. I said, “oh, I bet you know my grandmother, Beverley Severson!” She said, “Beverley is your grandmother? She’s incredible.”
And she is. These are just a couple of anecdotes from others’ experiences with a woman who was so ahead of her time. In a modern context, she is absolutely treasured by everyone who knows her.